The Boogeyman Himself in 2011

It’s been a while since the last time I blogged and I feel it’s about time to yet one more time force my amazingly brilliant and incredibly interesting musings on life, the universe and all that stuff upon the Internet ;) Actually, this is more of a glorified Facebook status update than anything else. Here we go.

Clearly, since I’m actually writing this, I’m still around, kickin’, if not butt at least some gravel on the road. Life’s life, meaning it has its ups and downs, yet generally pretty good. I live, work and create, although photocreativity haven’t always been the first thing on my mind this winter, much due to changes in my personal life and relationship status.

Certain things have an uncanny ability to steal energy and draw focus to the extent where just getting by is what you have to do. Yet, it will pass as you are able process what’s going on and one could argue that it is necessary too, to let these things run their course lest you store up heavy matter that sooner or later will come back and dropkick you in the face. Luckily it was a fairly clean break and although not without inevitable complications, it was slightly less earth shattering than what I’ve experienced before. I attribute that to an overall more stable and content life-situation, sheer experience and perhaps some lost illusions along the way. It literally did hurt like a bitch, but life is to be lived, not to be spent grieving over what you’ve lost. At least that’s not how I want to live my life. Page turned, chapter finished and a new one begun.

I guess my perspective have evolved/degenerated quite a bit from the naive perception of the world that a teenage mind tend to sport. As you’ve lived for a bit you realize we’re only leasing our love(r)s and partners in life even if it should last until death do part. The important thing is what we give and receive while we’re sharing time. In this particular case she was the catalyst and muse behind my diving into what became the most important thing in my life, photography. We also shared perhaps the best period of both our lives so far. What more can you ask from another human being than to receive such a gift?

Thinking back I find I have been very fortunate to have known and loved some amazing women in my (short) time. I’ve never taken for granted that one will experience love in life and there’s so many that never do. Of course everyone should and deserve to, but in the game of coupling you don’t exactly get to freely choose the cards you’re dealt.

In terms of work things have ever so very slowly been picking up momentum. Early this year much time went into the design, layout and creation of a book. It came to be a pretty exhausting process with many more issues than initially anticipated (always..) and problems with the printing works but in the end we got a pretty good result. The book is illustrated by my photos but luckily someone else did the work on the text. I just pieced it all together and created the design which was to a certain extent based on the design profile I’d created for the initial stages of this project. The book is the finalization and summary of a conference on cochlear implants, something meant to provide a written and long-lasting source of information on this subject for users and professionals. Its print run numbers 1000 colorful copies, something which might not sound like much, but then again this is a very specialized field and it’s in Norwegian, thus not exactly of global interest.

The whole experience was very educational and for one I got to know InDesign on a whole new level. I’m self-taught in most if not all things related to photography, design and computing in general and this is no exception. Of course it’s great to be able to acquire new skills and knowledge but it require effort on your own part and the errors that you make may be your very best guide. The important thing is the ability to learn from your mistakes and not to be afraid to try again. Hmm…that actually sounds much like life in general ;)

This winter I’ve also had a number of shots in print in magazines and more are coming. It’s always a great feeling to see your photographs in print and I enjoy it very much, as long as I get paid of course :D In order to be able to do more work I also started  ”Falk Photo”, a single-person firm. This pic shows my logo/header-concept and business card. A website is in the works but got delayed by a accidental wipe and loss of all the work I’d done. Mindovermadness.org is a personal blog, not really a suitable “front” for a business, hence one more website to keep track of and running for me. Mindovermadness.org will be around and still be the primary online home of my more private photographic efforts. I hope to get my business website up and running during May. It will of course be in Norwegian but I consider making an English version too. I kind of doubt though, that I’ll be getting jobs in the US or UK anytime soon ;)

So, what’s coming up? Obviously more work, also hopefully a warm, cozy BBQ-flavored summer with a lot of nice images, happy moments and many a full belly. Quite simply put – I’m as optimistic as ever before.  No photograph and no amount of money can change the fact that my medical condition is inevitably creeping up on me, but it does not mean life can’t and shouldn’t be enjoyed and lived when it’s actually here. Our existence is so fragile, so easily torn asunder by factors outside our control that it is a crime not to try to make the best out of it or utilize our potential as human beings.

There’s much I do not know or am able to anticipate about the future, thus is the nature the human existence. Perhaps in some ways my future is slightly more complicated than the one of others, but I am privileged, not only to live in a country where mostly everyone got bread on the table, but also because I am lucky enough to know and enjoy the company of some truly wonderful people and at least occasionally do what I love, which is making images. I will keep tripping that shutter and do what I can while hoping things turn out okay, they mostly do anyway.

Be good, folks!

In life there’s often places that give you a feeling of deja vu, you keep coming back to them and they have a special importance to you. I would like to talk a little about one place that have, more than anything else, had a profound effect on my life. In fact, everything I do and half the people I know seems to have some connection to it. For instance both my current better half, and also my former, were students at this place. This is kind of ironic, because I remember that when I graduated I did to a certain extent want to distance myself from it, to move on with my life. It wasn’t about dislike or anything like that, but I was ambitious and had very clear ideas of what I wanted to be and do and that was sooo much more than just this. Ah, youthful ignorance and arrogance! Ironically, in retrospect I think the conclusion would have to be that every single one of these grand plans ended up face first on the ground so hard it made the asphalt sing ;) Life!

The place I’m talking about is my old upper secondary/high school, Briskeby, where I spent three great years back in my late teens. It is a school for the hard of hearing and also an educational centre that do courses and otherwise try help hard of hearing people with many different conditions to a better life through mastering, understanding and coping with their condition. It’s owned by the norwegian association for the hard of hearing (HLF), yet financed by the government. The school is unique in Scandinavia because it focuses on the auditory, or “oral method”. That is, the very core philosophy of their educational method is that spoken language and not sign language, if possible, must be the primary means of communication.

Before I get decapitated by a horde of angry deaf, there’s nothing wrong with sign language at all, in fact it’s a fantastic aid and tool, but it is indeed kind of hard to function in the world of the hearing if you don’t speak their lingo. Besides, it’s kind of a shame to lay waste to whatever hearing people have, even if they have a quite substantial hearing loss. The wast majority of hard of hearing people are in fact just that and not deaf as the public seem to believe. Hearing need to be used too, in order to keep those parts of the brain active and functional, if a child (with a hearing loss, not deaf) grow up in an all-deaf no-sound community, it do not develop the ability to hear and speak orally and this cannot be fully mended later, exposure to sound and speech has to happen at the right and corresponding stages of the development of the brain.

Also, it is difficult for a deaf person to learn to write properly and within the regulations. Sign language is very much just that, a unique language with its own grammar, expressions and nuances, it is not just a rough adaption of spoken or written language. When a person with normal hearing learns to write, he has a lot of support from the spoken language he already know, obviously some fine-tuning is required and grammatical rules need to be learned, but even a heavy regional accent and variety of spoken Norwegian is a lot closer to written Norwegian than Norwegian sign language. Clearly, as we live in a world where most people work in offices, being able to write is kind of important. Not saying deaf can’t write, pretty much all can, and some very well, but their learning process is much more demanding and their written language is on average less adequate than that of the hearing person.

At this point I need to clarify the term “hard of hearing”. You see, it is sort of an umbrella as it include both people with a hearing loss, but also people with other conditions related to hearing such as Tinnitus or Ménière’s disease. Hard of hearing people are in fact a much more diverse group than most “normals” know. It’s also a very large group, actually, in western industrialized countries it is often suggested that 10 to 15 percent of the population somehow fit within the “hard of hearing” term. In other words, the hard of hearing are not just some weirdos in the corner flapping around with their arms speaking with their hands, they are a huge and substantial part of the society with needs that have to be addressed. That’s basically what my old school and centre of competence is all about. Giving hard of hearing people of all ages some of the tools they need to live, function and flourish in a world of sound.

Now, It’s been ten years since I went to Briskeby as a student, I’ve worked and studied, I’ve had my ups and downs, gone through a few relationships and hit the wall too, both figuratively and literally (hey, I’m almost blind, walls do get in the way from time to time!). Basically, I’ve been living, breathing and experiencing. Yet, now I’m back there, as an employee! Ten years is a while, but there’s still a lot of people I knew around, both teachers and other employees. Various specialists, for instance on hearing/sound constitutes part of the staff, but being a school there’s understandably a lot of educationalists of all kinds around.

Man, it’s weird! How do you deal with technically speaking being a colleague of someone that was your teacher back in the days? They were authority figures that through their skill and knowledge taught you difficult subjects and had considerable impact on the forming of your personality and academical foundation. Now, I bet it’s a new experience for them too, I don’t think they expected to have me back (dang, didn’t we FINALLY get rid of that bloke like ten years ago??) That said and a somewhat awkward or formerly-not-experienced social situation aside, more than anything else working at Briskeby is like coming home. Walking through that so familiar door is like entering another world, a different world. A world where being hard of hearing, being handicapped, is normal, where mostly everything happens on “our” terms. I guess it’s a feeling that can only be understood if you’ve truly seen society from the sideline, if you’ve felt how it is to be prevented from participating in the community because you’re different.

The tale of how I ended up back at Briskeby is one of many twists and turns, but it started with volunteer work back in the early fall of ’09. Ever since I landed on disabilities I’ve been doing various kinds of volunteer work, I was a janitor at a children’s home, I made food for the homeless and so forth. It’s been a conscious choice as I knew I would benefit from keeping myself active and keeping my brain ticking. The combination of volunteer work and disabilities allowed me to work within my functional ability and still at least keeping a (tiny) toe inside work life. To make a long story short, I was put back in touch with the good folks at Briskeby, I had an interview and they graciously took me in as a volunteer worker. Since then I’ve mostly been working with various IT-related stuff such as web-development/design, for instance their student blog. It’s not really my absolute favorite cup of tea, making web-pages, but I know a little about that process, it’s okay work and more important, I’ve got competence they currently lack. In other words, a win-win for both sides of the equation.

Obviously I must have been doing at least something right, because my boss started hinting of the possibility of ahem…”formalizing” my relationship to the institution and I sort of hinted back that I wouldn’t mind that (it might have been the other way around, details…details). Thus, they’ve offered me a position and I said yes. It’s obviously part-time, my condition makes full-time employment unrealistic and also I’m on benefits which means there’s a lot of rules regulating how much I can work and earn. A job is a job though, and working at a place whose purpose is to make a difference for people and not make money for a owner is a privilege. I can’t say anything else except that I look forward to being a small part of this place and make a tiny contribution to the very meaningful work they do. Yes, if there’s any doubt, I’ll confirm that I am in fact an idealist, although I’ve surely had my share of illusion-robbing experiences and accumulated substantial quantities of bitterness so far in my life.

I have to brag about the  people that work there, because they are fantastic, very friendly and truly into what they do. It’s really inspiring to be around people like that and I enjoy it very much. Of course, working at a place like this is more than just a job for me. It’s something I can’t say no to because I so honestly believe in what they are doing and know from personal experience the importance and necessity of their efforts. Hence, 2 1/2 hours of traveling time per work-day don’t stop me and I maintain a tight sleep rhythm by getting up at 06:30 every bloody day, even when I’m not working, in an attempt to function more or less okay on the work days (I’ve had sleep issues for more than a decade).

What the future will bring I do not know, there’s still many different threads that need to be tied together for the  tangled bunch of fibers that is my life to become a rope, and it won’t happen with the blink of an eye. I always think of it as finding a balance between my skills and abilities, my medical condition and energy level, quality of life and some participation in professional life. I have a definite need to do something constructive and productive, yet it need to balance with actually having a life too. All work and no play, makes the blind ‘ol bat Mac a dull boy. I do feel healthier and better than in many years, I live with an amazing woman and my photography is certainly a creative outlet, a general focus and who I am. I can’t beat the realities of my severe medical condition, but I can most definitely live with them (got no other choice, do I?).